Kind Of

Hi everyone!  No...I haven't keeled over.  I have just been in a funk and can't get motivated to do much besides everyday mundane activities.  We have still been busy with Halloween parties, play dates and that kind of thing but I can't even motivate myself to get the memory card out of my camera and post pictures.  :(  

The other day I really, really, really didn't want to do laundry and the girls were out of socks that I was tempted to go to Wal Mart and buy them new socks just so I didn't have to do laundry.  But then the thought of getting them both dressed, finding their shoes, getting them in the car, trekking through Wal Mart to buy socks sounded so much worse.  I finally did laundry!

I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!  Hopefully I can get my hiney in gear and get motivated to blog again!

Not Yet

Just an FYI...

I am still having a pity party.  And NO I have not put on my big girl panties. 

Last night I dropped the girls off at my gramma's so I could go to WalMart for an hour by myself because I was about to lose it.  No really, I tried to hide from my kids....they found me in the closet and I had only been in there for 30 seconds!

1 week left before Ben gets home.  I will survive!  And maybe I will put on my big girl panties tomorrow, maybe, don't hold your breath, we will see.

 

I'm So Ronery

I'm So Lonely Ronery
So lonely ronery
So lonely ronery and sadly sadry alone arone.....

Lyrics from Team America...hilarious movie (just make sure the kids aren't up when you watch it) and in case you don't find the humor from the text and think I am crazy google it and watch the youtube video, just beware there is excessive amounts of foul language in the movie!

Anyway, I am having a rotten day.  Nothing major going on, just kind of down.  The biggest thing is that I miss my husband.  He has been gone for 3 out of the past 4 months.  And this is just the beginning of it.  Soon enough he will be gone for an entire year.  Yikes!  I know we will survive, but I miss talking to him every night, I miss seeing him everyday and it breaks my heart when the girls cry for him and there is nothing I can do to make them feel better  :(

I know I have a long journey ahead of me and it won't always be easy and I know that there will be days when I just feel like giving up, laying down, and basically keeling over.

But you know what?

 

 In the end Success will be mine!  Just not tonight, I am going to have a pity party by myself and be a brand new person in the morning!

 

IOWA fun!

Last week I was lucky enough to be able to be a bridesmaid in one of my best friends wedding in Iowa!  I had never been to Iowa and I was amazed at its beauty!  Audra and Joe live in Bellevue which happens to be right on the Mississippi River, and their backyard just happens to be the Mississippi!

View from the back patio

Absolutely gorgeous!

 I also got to see a barge go through a lock!  Seriously I was like a kid in a candy store.  We sat at the lock for an hour and a half so I could watch, it was so cool!  I was a geeky tourist!

The lock!  This is the bottom gate.

Tugboat keeping the barge in line to enter the lock.

I will spare you the 25 other pictures I have!

I had an amazing time!!!  (Thanks Mom for watching the girls)This was the first kid free vacation I have had, yay for me!  We talked and laughed for hours!  Stayed up way too late every night, but the best part about this trip was watching my best friend marry an amazing man!  I am so excited and happy for them!

The gorgeous bride!

Me!

Me and Audj!

He thought we would drop him....

Great friends!

Mr. & Mrs.

So to Audra and Joe....Congratulations and I wish you a life time of love and happiness!  I love you!

My Sister & the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Need Your Help!

I know you have heard me talk about my sisters before.  Well today, my sister Coree needs our help....meet my sister (she is the youngest sister).

Hi seester!  Coree is 25 and lives in Walnut Creek California.  She graduated with a degree in Chemical Engineering from The School of Mines in Golden, Colorado.  She is currently working as an Environmental Compliance Engineer for USS-Posco a steel finishing company.


A little bit about my sister....she is the dumbest smart girl that I know....seriously, she can't chew gum and walk at the same time, but she can explain how to calculate the amount of waste that is emitted from a smokestack, knows a million OSHA rules and regulations and before she was promoted she was the foreman on a steel finishing line and could hold her own supervising a ton of guys, younger and older than her!  She is an amazing sister, friend and aunt!  I miss her terribly and wished she lived closer!  My sister has recently taken up running!  She is training for her first half marathon, 13.1 miles seriously I don't want to drive 13.1 miles let alone run it.


On November 14, 2010 she will run the Big Sur Half Marathon in Monterey Bay, CA!  She has teamed up with Team in Training to train for the race.  Team in Training is a non profit endurance training program that benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is the world's largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding blood cancer research and providing education and patient services.  They have invested more that $600 million in research since 1949, last year alone LLS made 6.3 million contacts with patients, caregivers and health care professionals.


My sister needs to raise $2,500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  75% of all donations made go directly to fund research and patient services (this is one of the highest percentages among charitable organizations).  So today we (me and seester) are asking for your donations to LLS!  All donations are 100% tax deductible!!

Finally (and most importantly), if you know someone who has been afflicted with a blood-cancer, Coree would love to run in their honor as well.  Please let me know their name(s).
 
If you would like to donate please visit Coree's training page here!  If every 9 o'clock Dance of Joy! follower donated $5 we could raise $1760 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society!


Thank you in advance!  If you have any questions or would like to talk to my sister about having her run in someone's honor let me know and I will put you in touch with her!
 

Man-tastic Monday Part 3

Welcome to another Man-tastic Monday!  Today I thought we would talk about flatulence, tooting, farting, SBD (silent but deadly) and gas in general.

Here is the definition I found on Wikipedia.....

Flatulence is the expulsion through the rectum of a mixture of gases that are byproducts of the digestion process of mammals and other animals. The mixture of gases is known as flatus, (informally) fart, or simply gas, and is expelled from the rectum in a process colloquially referred to as "passing gas", "breaking wind" or "farting". Flatus is brought to the rectum by the same peristaltic process which causes feces to descend from the large intestine. The noises commonly associated with flatulence are caused by the vibration of the anal sphincter, and occasionally by the closed buttocks.

We will use the word toot or tooting in this post (my kids can't say fart, I know I am a mean mom, but it sounds better than fart).

Tooting brings great joy to most men (or at least the men I know).  It's cheap entertainment.  The louder it is the funnier it is and the worse it smells the better it is.

Take for instance my brother.....tooting, when sitting on me will bring hours of enjoyment, especially if my husband is present when it happens.  I just want to throw up in my mouth.

Or how about my husband?  Hopefully he doesn't read this because he might kill me.  He thinks it is funny to toot in the store and then loudly say "Kenzie, that is disgusting" as he walks down the aisle leaving me standing there horribly embarrassed because everyone thinks that it was me.

The joy of tooting can best be described on a camping trip when we were little.  My brother (I think he was 4ish) had to go pee after we were all tucked away in the camper.  So my Dad got up and took him to the porta-potty near the camp site.  They were gone for about 15 minutes.  When they got back my Dad had the giggles really bad (and he never gets the giggles).  When we asked what happened, my Dad had tooted while they were going potty and my brothers response was "Do it again Daddy, do it again."  We laughed for hours and still laugh when this story is brought up.

Men think their toots are a badge of honor.  Which has rubbed off on my daughters thanks Ben.  The girls are very proud of themselves when they toot and it's even worse when their Dad is around because he applauds them.  How am I supposed to teach them manners when they get a laugh and a "good one!" from their Dad or uncle???

I realize that everyone toots, but please go into the other room.  I don't want to hear it and I especially don't want to smell it.

Am I the only one who thinks tooting should be done in private?  What about your husbands/sons/brothers?  Do they think their gas is funny? 

I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane

I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again......Well that's not entirely true.  I will be back on Sunday.  I am headed to Iowa tomorrow to be in one of my best and oldest she's not old, we have just been friends forever and I thought I would add that because she reads this sometimes friends wedding!

Just me, all by myself, no hubby and no kids!  This will be my first vacation in over 4 years!  Hello freedom and fun sorry mom...sucka!  My mom is coming down to watch the girls because Ben leaves tomorrow too for the month of October.  *And this is only for the random weirdos that might want to try to track me down while Ben is gone.  I HAVE AN ATTACK DOG, seriously he will eat your head.*

I will have lots of pictures to post when I get back!  I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and I pre-apologize for being MIA, I will catch up with everyone on Monday!

Do the Pee Dance!

Huge accomplishment in the house today!  Taylor finally peed on the potty for the first time!  Yes!!!  I know she just turned 2, but by 2 Kielyn was potty trained.  She was the best, she basically potty trained herself, peed for the first time in the potty at 15 months and we were diaper free during the days by 2.

Taylor is a different story.  I haven't pushed her to potty....maybe gentle persuasion would be a better term.

Me:  "Tay, do you have to go potty?"

Tay:  "No thank you mommy."  {seriously she is adorable when she says this, she is sweet and innocent looking}

Me:  "You can go on the big girl potty."

Tay:  strips off her clothes and diaper and runs to the bathroom.  Sits on the potty for 5 minutes, "Nothing come out mommy."

Me: "Are you done?"

Tay:  "Yes."  and then she runs off naked.

Basically as soon as her feet hit the carpet in the hallway she pees on the floor.  So I kind of gave up and decided not to bug her anymore.  Well tonight we were getting ready for bed and she took off her shorts and diaper and said potty.  I asked her if she wanted to go, she said yes and then she actually did it!  She peed in the potty!!!!

Kielyn and I made a huge deal about her going potty!  We did the potty dance, sang a song and called both Grammas!   Now if she does it again this week I will be ecstatic!  My sister says she's not lazy, she's smart!  Maybe she's right!  We are on our way to being diaper free and I can't wait!

Man-tastic Monday!

Welcome to another Man-tastic Monday!  Where I let you know why I wish I was a guy *remember I don't really want to be one* but sometimes it seems like they have it so much easier!

Today we will be talking about showering!  A long time ago I received the funniest email on men vs. women showering.....Now I can't find it but I will do my darndest to replicate it.

How to Shower Like a Guy vs How to Shower Like a Woman

1.  Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a

pile. Walk naked to the bathroom.  Take off clothes and put them immediately into the hamper.  Put on robe and walk into the bathroom.

If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo"

sound.  If you see your husband make sure you are covered up, God forbid he see you naked.  Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (no)  Look at yourself in the mirror, but only after you have locked the bathroom door so your husband can't get in.  Glance in the mirror but only to see the stretch marks and baby belly from carrying your kids that will never go away no matter what I you try.

Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your butt. Fart  I have nothing to compare to that

Get in the shower.  Get new wash rag, hang towel and robe right by the shower and then get in the shower.

Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one)

Wash your face  Wash face with clean washrag using your facial cleanser

Wash your armpits.  Shave armpits

Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.  Wonder what is on the wall of the shower only to discover it's a booger left by your husband.

Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.  Seriously?!?  What is wrong with men?

Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.  Doesn't surprise me

Wash your butt, leaving those course butt hairs on the soap.  And this is the reason we have out own soap

Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner) Make a shampoo Mohawk.  Wash your hair twice.

Peek out of the shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.  Rinse hair and apply conditioner

Pee (in the shower)  Shave your legs while you are waiting for your conditioner to set.

Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor

because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.  Wash body with a gentle exfoliating cleanser and a loofah, rinse conditioner out of your hair.  Make sure everything is put back in it's proper place.

Partially dry off.  Barely open the curtain or door to grab your towel.  Dry off in the shower so you don't get the floor wet.  Stick arm out of the shower to grab robe just in case your husband picked the lock and might see you naked.  Put on robe and get out of the shower.

Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener size again.  Check for zits, stray eye brows and wrinkles. 

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.  Clean up wet floor from your husbands shower.

Leave bathroom fan and light on.  Turn off bathroom light and fan.

Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull

off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.  Do not exit the bathroom because you were smart enough to bring in your clean clothes so your husband couldn't harass you to see you naked.

Throw wet towel on the bed.  Hang your towel on the towel rack or lay over the side of the hamper being careful not to let your towel touch anything in the hamper so it won't mildew.

Get dressed in under two minutes. Fart  Comb out wet hair,apply deodarant, apply facial moisturizer, apply lotion.  Put product in your hair, tweeze eyebrows, blow dry hair, put on makeup, fix your hair, fix your makeup, look for jewelry.  Unlock the bathroom door and walk out completely dressed!

Wouldn't it be amazing to be amused by bodily secretions and farts?!?  And wouldn't it be nice if it only took 5 minutes to get ready every morning?  And this is reason 2 I wish I was a man!

Happy Monday!!!

I'm Really Not That Nice

The War Has Begun and I am winning!

You have probably heard me complain talk about the new prison that was just opened.  I was responsible for installing the phone system.  I have spent the last month and half at the new prison....literally every day, I contemplated moving in.  Since I have been there so much I have become part of the "crew".  I don't know if this is such a good thing or not, usually I don't like people to know who I am, they just need to know that I am a voice on the phone. 

There is one certain person who loves to pick on me.  Every time I see him he has to give me a hard time....he is a really nice guy, not a creepy weirdo!  And don't worry I can hold my own against him!  A couple of weeks ago he was really giving me a hard time and I told him to watch out because paybacks are a b*^$h!

Well today I got my revenge!  I was testing custom ring tones for the new phones because people were complaining they didn't like the ringers that come installed on the phones and I stumbled across an article explaining how you can take a song and convert it into a ring tone for our phone system.  Sucka!

So of course, I had to try it out.  Once I discovered it worked on my phone, I wrote a custom file and loaded it to his phone and then waited, and waited and waited.  Finally I got the phone call.  "What did you do to my phone?!?!"

"Huh?  I don't know what you are talking about."  Want to know what played on his phone every time someone called?

The Village People, YMCA.  Don't you just love this song?  I did!  After 5 minutes of listening to him whine I told him I would change his ringers back to normal.  30 minutes later I finally did it.  But not before the word got out and everyone called him to listen to his ringer and make fun of him for the rest of the day.

When I went into his office a little while later one of the girls who works for him gave me a hug and told me that watching him freak out made it worth coming into work today.

Moral of the story....I'm Really Not That Nice.