Welcome to another Man-tastic Monday! Today I thought we would talk about flatulence, tooting, farting, SBD (silent but deadly) and gas in general.
Here is the definition I found on Wikipedia.....
Flatulence is the expulsion through the rectum of a mixture of gases that are byproducts of the digestion process of mammals and other animals. The mixture of gases is known as flatus, (informally) fart, or simply gas, and is expelled from the rectum in a process colloquially referred to as "passing gas", "breaking wind" or "farting". Flatus is brought to the rectum by the same peristaltic process which causes feces to descend from the large intestine. The noises commonly associated with flatulence are caused by the vibration of the anal sphincter, and occasionally by the closed buttocks.
We will use the word toot or tooting in this post (my kids can't say fart, I know I am a mean mom, but it sounds better than fart).
Tooting brings great joy to most men (or at least the men I know). It's cheap entertainment. The louder it is the funnier it is and the worse it smells the better it is.
Take for instance my brother.....tooting, when sitting on me will bring hours of enjoyment, especially if my husband is present when it happens. I just want to throw up in my mouth.
Or how about my husband? Hopefully he doesn't read this because he might kill me. He thinks it is funny to toot in the store and then loudly say "Kenzie, that is disgusting" as he walks down the aisle leaving me standing there horribly embarrassed because everyone thinks that it was me.
The joy of tooting can best be described on a camping trip when we were little. My brother (I think he was 4ish) had to go pee after we were all tucked away in the camper. So my Dad got up and took him to the porta-potty near the camp site. They were gone for about 15 minutes. When they got back my Dad had the giggles really bad (and he never gets the giggles). When we asked what happened, my Dad had tooted while they were going potty and my brothers response was "Do it again Daddy, do it again." We laughed for hours and still laugh when this story is brought up.
Men think their toots are a badge of honor. Which has rubbed off on my daughters thanks Ben. The girls are very proud of themselves when they toot and it's even worse when their Dad is around because he applauds them. How am I supposed to teach them manners when they get a laugh and a "good one!" from their Dad or uncle???
I realize that everyone toots, but please go into the other room. I don't want to hear it and I especially don't want to smell it.
Am I the only one who thinks tooting should be done in private? What about your husbands/sons/brothers? Do they think their gas is funny?
8 comments:
Oh my gosh Kenzie! I about fell off my chair laughing. I'm still wiping tears from my eyes!
I will not go into details, but suffice it say my husband is known around these parts as "The Legend." And I have two boys. Enough said. I will be laughing the rest of the day!
I agree with you 100% Kenzie!!! Totally a private thing! My husband and I have been together since I was 14 and I still have yet to "toot" in front of him. He has always know how I feel about "tooting" and most times is pretty good about keeping it private (thank GOD!) because it seriously grosses me out. He says that if we ever have boys, I will be in for a rude awakening. But I think I will teach my boys to keep "tooting" private and to use their manners. We shall see....
My dad always farted in front of my sister and me and would blame it on a "barking spider" that stealthily "tooted" by him. Ew.
Either way, another great post for Man-tastic Monday! Had me laughing again!
OMG I can totally see Ben doing that. Back in high school, I was taking a boyfriend home and Ben was in the back seat "sleeping".... next thing we knew was that there had been a SBD toot. My boyfriend looked at me and I looked at him while we were both trying to get the windows down as fast as possible and then Ben pops up just laughing... he was very proud.... ugh they never grow up...
I make my girls say "toot" too. And, YES, it sucks that husbands make little girls think that it's hilarious. Drives me nuts!!! I can't smell (luckily?), so T can't drive me nuts with the tooting...but the noise does make me crazy.
Funny think happen while I was reading this to Joe Ries out loud...he tooted...and laughed his hiney off... Go Figure!!
"Do it again Daddy! Do it again!" (Will that ever not be funny???) All of the males I know love any kind of explosion (obviously that includes the anal kind too) so I get why the sound makes them proud (argh!) but I really don't get why they're so proud of the sickening, disgusting, nauseating smells they produce! Another fine example of why the world is truly Man-tastic!
Hilarious!! My dad and husband both think farting is hilarious and indulge in it as much as possible. It's annoying in the house and downright mortifying in public ;)
Now, you're just grossing me out! ;) As a teacher of classes with mostly boys, I can do without the farting, the farty noises, the fart references, the ....
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